Testing, Testing.... 1 2 3....

Greetings,

Me again, back to share one of my more recent encounters of life that I failed at. I always stress to my friends and loved ones to find the good, and although I failed this test, I am aware that I could have done better and will be better equipped for a similar situation. Hopefully I have engaged you to read on as I take you down the rabbit hole to what I call "The Test."

Its Friday, but not just ANY Friday, Its "PAYDAY" Friday, and boy do I love "PAYDAY." I get a feeling of accomplishment every payday logging into my accounts and pressing the SUBMIT PAYMENT button. To be single and be able to afford my lifestyle and do the things I want to do and rarely have to think of my assets is a worry that I love having. So I'm going, clicking and paying:

Student Loan: Submit
Internet Bill: Submit
Credit Card: Submit
Car Note: Submit
Electrical Bill: Submit
Insurance: Submit

I'm feeling better and better, I began to look up some ideas on ways to better my financial situation, whether or not to cancel my paid off credit card or move money around. I follow that by looking into defensive driving to lower my insurance and even inquire about my Internet bill. With all that going on, I whip out the calculator and do the match....... BLAM!!! *Wacka Flacka Voice* "Still got a whole lotta money, Bitches think I'm funny."

Soon after, I receive a call from a friend asking to borrow some money, *Ashlee Wit 2 E's Voice* IT'S NOTHING. I got you, how much you need!!

RIGHT AFTER that, my mother calls, "You bout to buy some Facebook stock"? I'm like OH YEAH! I dive right back in, Stock portfolio and my Etrade.com get opened, I get to moving some stuff around, looking here, looking their......

*GROWL* my stomach..... Man! its noon already. I decide to go grab something. Step out the building and stand in the wind pondering on where I want to eat. I think to myself, it feels good outside, I'm to walk to bricktown and east. THE TEST BEGINS

There's a 33-36 year old black man in a fitted hat and a black tee, he's groomed for the most part, but you can tell he is working with minimums with a 3-4 year old boy and a stroller. We make eye contact, he exclaims, "What's Up" I acknowledge him and tell him "You got it" and continue forward. He gets my attention again and I stop.

"He man, I'm not trying to bother you or nothing, I was suppose to meet the boys mama down here, but the bus was running late, she ain't answering her phone, I guess she tripping of something"

Asshole Rich Thinks: "What that got to do with me"

He continues: "The bus to get here til five and, well I,m hungry, WE hungry, all I smell is the food and shit, and I'm trying to get the boy a lil burger and a toy." I asked some other guy and he acted like he wanted to spit on me. I just wanted to know if you could help me out." Meanwhile the cute lil boy is bounce on and off the curb.

POP QUIZ HOT SHOT! I reach for my wallet and tell him I ONLY have $1 dollar. He says, no no, I'm not going to take your last dollar, but I insist.

I wish him luck and continue on, but not 50 yards away is a homeless 50 year old black man, torn and tattered clothes, scruffy face, smoking cigarettes. I don't make eye contact, and he continues smoking. Passing Trains.

Now immediately, I think, WELL FUCK, that was a test. As I continue to dwell, I think, damn, I just spent hours upon hours of looking at my finances, yet was only will to share $1. The more I walk and think the more disappointed I am with myself. I now think, well damn, I don't want to walk BACK that way because I don't want to see him again.We are suppose to be better people than that, I'm suppose to be a better person. Yet I failed.

I called my sister, explain the story. She was like, "Yeah, I don't ever give them money, I buy them food." So I'm like YEAH!

Sonic chick: May I help you?
Me: Ummmm, (why do you always say Ummm first??) Let me get a #1 AND Ummmm (SMH) 2 double cheese burgers. And can you put them in a separate bag please!

Yeah, in hind sight, it was the right thing to do, but I didn't feel any better, I still knew I failed and was TRYING to make up for it. But you cant do that. You can't take a test, turn it in, leave, and then run back in and say NO NO NO, wait... I know now! And this is what I was trying to do, I was TRYING to be great, but it was too late.

Walking back, still talking to my sister, I told her that very same thing about test taking, and how I knew the man wasn't going to be there. AND!! DING DING DING!! He wasn't!

So much for that test, I failed AGAIN!! UGH. But I found the good, and the lesson was learned. And because there will be a next time, maybe I will be better prepared. Maybe you have or haven't seen this, but this is another situation that randomly transcribed before my eyes. I failed that one as well.

When We Crash Into One Another!!  

I have come so far in life, but somethings, I have not come to grasp! Obviously I am willing to bend over backward for the people I know, but what about the people I don't, is it right to ignore them? They say Jesus was able to help the rich and the poor, his friends and enemies, those that loved him and those that hated him. We live in a very selfish world where sometimes, giving is the right thing to do, and you might give, BUT are you giving just to give, or are you giving your all. I think that's a personality trait that we all have to evaluate. 

What did I learn today: Ones success can only be validated if and only if one is willing to share it with a complete stranger. 

I ask you this: How many of you are ready and willing to help a stranger out? If you are, is your effort really kind-hearted?

Just wanted to share..... Thanks for reading

*Nicki Minaj Voice* That's all I have.....

When We Crash Into One Another!!

Whats good people,

I wanted to share with you a recent crash I was apart of that gave me an awaking. Life tested me one night last week and I think I failed. There was so much going on that the situation just became hassle. We are given the ideology of what it is to be human, and live this life, but do we understand it when the time is right. Sit back and listen to my story.

Story: Thursday September 2 2010. My lights go out after the heavy storm that hit the metro area and it soon becomes too dark in my apartment. With my phone dying I decided to go to my office, be productive, play on the computer and charge my phone. (random decision 1)

After an hour or two, I began to become weird-ed out being in the office alone and I was hungry. I remembered Jack In The Box on MacArthur and I-40 just opened so I was like "Imma go there have hopefully my lights will be fixed by the time I get back home." (random decision 2)

So I debate on which way is faster and decide that to just go south down MacArthur coming from North West Expressway. (random timing 1)

I get to Jack and wait in line for the long ass line of cars (random timing 2) and finally place my order. Nothing unusual just a normal order and wait time. #GOODERDENABITCH!!(random timing 3).

So I get my food, and homie says he wants to steal my dog, CREEPY. I digress. As I am exiting the parking lot I get flagged down, by a white truck.(random timing 4).

A HISPANIC WOMAN IN A TRUCK BEGINS TO ASK FOR MONEY, SHE EXPLAINS THAT THEY ARE LIVING IN THE MOTEL AND SHE DOESN'T GET PAID UNTIL 2 DAYS, AND THE MOTEL SAYS SHE HAS AN HOUR TO GET THE MONEY. SHE SAYS "IM JUST AM TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF MY 5 BABIES", AS YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE THEY ARE IN THE TRUCK.

I REPLY WITH THE TRUTH, "I DON'T CARRY CASH IM SORRY", AND SHE IS LIKE "SIR, I PROMISE ILL PAY YOU BACK, IF YOU CAN GO TO THE ATM, I WILL GET YOUR NUMBER AND GIVE YOU MINE, SIR, I PROMISE I JUST NEED HELP FOR TONIGHT."

"A CREDIT CARD ANYTHING SIR, I JUST WANT TO TAKE CARE OF MY BABIES".... She seemed really honest and desperate, but it was just too much.

Suck in the moment of morality, I just told I was sorry that I couldn't help her, and she said thank you and drove off. Now if i had cash I would have given it to her, but I really don't believe in cash. (I lose it all the time).

And in hind sight I should have at least given her my food, but I was really stuck in the situation. I really don't know if I passed or failed that test. You know?

Its so hard, there are so many dishonest people out there, that you don't know who to trust ever, there are some really good actors, and she may very well have been honest and in need, but if you don't have cash, then you don't have cash.

Her asking me to go to the ATM and/or help pay her bill on my credit card is a bit much, but also an real act of desperation. One would think she would just say, OK thanks and go to the next person.

See, it wasn't was she trying to scam me, it wasn't about the money, it was the time that was gonna be spent, going to the ATM, getting the money giving it to her getting her contact info, trusting in her. It made it all too must to want to help.

We are suppose to trust in people, and help others, but I didn't, I didn't do anything and that's why i feel like i failed. Like i said i could have just given her my food, instead I just drove off. UGH

You help people when you can, and I believe to be a good person, yet still feel like I could for done SOMETHING, she was delivered to me for SOMETHING.

It says he will never put you in a situation that you cant handle. What was I suppose to do with that situation??

Ive been visited by a few people, and i think, i think Ive done the SAME thing every time, hear their story, and DO NOTHING. Have you ever met someone randomly by twist of fate, you crash into them for reasons of the unknown and they know or can relate to you easily. My mom says they are Angels, delivered to us for a purpose.

I believe its a test. And in this case, I think I failed. So maybe this lady that night, was sent to me to open my eyes to what your missing out on, and maybe now you will make it a point to be a witness to others as often as you can, as if, we are all sent to crash into each other at random times, and what we do determines our grade. I was told if that's how I feel, like I genuinely failed, then the best you can do is ask for forgiveness. By doing so, it will show that I may have failed the test, but I do understand the material.

My final thoughts are that we are all here for a purpose, to be a friend, a mate, a companion, a mother, a father, and to help. But we get so caught up in the giant blender of the world that we miss the core ideals of human life. I say that I fail my test the other night, but in return, I am not able to see the big picture, and for that I have to thank that lady I crashed into. I glad she was sent to me. Armed now with a new prospective, I await my next test, when I crash into someone unexpectedly again.