Testing, Testing.... 1 2 3....

Greetings,

Me again, back to share one of my more recent encounters of life that I failed at. I always stress to my friends and loved ones to find the good, and although I failed this test, I am aware that I could have done better and will be better equipped for a similar situation. Hopefully I have engaged you to read on as I take you down the rabbit hole to what I call "The Test."

Its Friday, but not just ANY Friday, Its "PAYDAY" Friday, and boy do I love "PAYDAY." I get a feeling of accomplishment every payday logging into my accounts and pressing the SUBMIT PAYMENT button. To be single and be able to afford my lifestyle and do the things I want to do and rarely have to think of my assets is a worry that I love having. So I'm going, clicking and paying:

Student Loan: Submit
Internet Bill: Submit
Credit Card: Submit
Car Note: Submit
Electrical Bill: Submit
Insurance: Submit

I'm feeling better and better, I began to look up some ideas on ways to better my financial situation, whether or not to cancel my paid off credit card or move money around. I follow that by looking into defensive driving to lower my insurance and even inquire about my Internet bill. With all that going on, I whip out the calculator and do the match....... BLAM!!! *Wacka Flacka Voice* "Still got a whole lotta money, Bitches think I'm funny."

Soon after, I receive a call from a friend asking to borrow some money, *Ashlee Wit 2 E's Voice* IT'S NOTHING. I got you, how much you need!!

RIGHT AFTER that, my mother calls, "You bout to buy some Facebook stock"? I'm like OH YEAH! I dive right back in, Stock portfolio and my Etrade.com get opened, I get to moving some stuff around, looking here, looking their......

*GROWL* my stomach..... Man! its noon already. I decide to go grab something. Step out the building and stand in the wind pondering on where I want to eat. I think to myself, it feels good outside, I'm to walk to bricktown and east. THE TEST BEGINS

There's a 33-36 year old black man in a fitted hat and a black tee, he's groomed for the most part, but you can tell he is working with minimums with a 3-4 year old boy and a stroller. We make eye contact, he exclaims, "What's Up" I acknowledge him and tell him "You got it" and continue forward. He gets my attention again and I stop.

"He man, I'm not trying to bother you or nothing, I was suppose to meet the boys mama down here, but the bus was running late, she ain't answering her phone, I guess she tripping of something"

Asshole Rich Thinks: "What that got to do with me"

He continues: "The bus to get here til five and, well I,m hungry, WE hungry, all I smell is the food and shit, and I'm trying to get the boy a lil burger and a toy." I asked some other guy and he acted like he wanted to spit on me. I just wanted to know if you could help me out." Meanwhile the cute lil boy is bounce on and off the curb.

POP QUIZ HOT SHOT! I reach for my wallet and tell him I ONLY have $1 dollar. He says, no no, I'm not going to take your last dollar, but I insist.

I wish him luck and continue on, but not 50 yards away is a homeless 50 year old black man, torn and tattered clothes, scruffy face, smoking cigarettes. I don't make eye contact, and he continues smoking. Passing Trains.

Now immediately, I think, WELL FUCK, that was a test. As I continue to dwell, I think, damn, I just spent hours upon hours of looking at my finances, yet was only will to share $1. The more I walk and think the more disappointed I am with myself. I now think, well damn, I don't want to walk BACK that way because I don't want to see him again.We are suppose to be better people than that, I'm suppose to be a better person. Yet I failed.

I called my sister, explain the story. She was like, "Yeah, I don't ever give them money, I buy them food." So I'm like YEAH!

Sonic chick: May I help you?
Me: Ummmm, (why do you always say Ummm first??) Let me get a #1 AND Ummmm (SMH) 2 double cheese burgers. And can you put them in a separate bag please!

Yeah, in hind sight, it was the right thing to do, but I didn't feel any better, I still knew I failed and was TRYING to make up for it. But you cant do that. You can't take a test, turn it in, leave, and then run back in and say NO NO NO, wait... I know now! And this is what I was trying to do, I was TRYING to be great, but it was too late.

Walking back, still talking to my sister, I told her that very same thing about test taking, and how I knew the man wasn't going to be there. AND!! DING DING DING!! He wasn't!

So much for that test, I failed AGAIN!! UGH. But I found the good, and the lesson was learned. And because there will be a next time, maybe I will be better prepared. Maybe you have or haven't seen this, but this is another situation that randomly transcribed before my eyes. I failed that one as well.

When We Crash Into One Another!!  

I have come so far in life, but somethings, I have not come to grasp! Obviously I am willing to bend over backward for the people I know, but what about the people I don't, is it right to ignore them? They say Jesus was able to help the rich and the poor, his friends and enemies, those that loved him and those that hated him. We live in a very selfish world where sometimes, giving is the right thing to do, and you might give, BUT are you giving just to give, or are you giving your all. I think that's a personality trait that we all have to evaluate. 

What did I learn today: Ones success can only be validated if and only if one is willing to share it with a complete stranger. 

I ask you this: How many of you are ready and willing to help a stranger out? If you are, is your effort really kind-hearted?

Just wanted to share..... Thanks for reading

*Nicki Minaj Voice* That's all I have.....

The Man In The Mirror

Howdy Folks

Been a while, just dropping in to spread a little verbage. Its been a roller coaster ride, filled with all the mysteries of the bottomless drops and the mountainous climbs these past months. But before I take my seat on the contraption of life and buckle in for the ride, every morning I begin the day the exact same, rolling out the bed and going straight to the bathroom and looking at myself in the mirror. I do this to remember who I am and what I stand for, I do this to make sure I know this is real, that life is happening, right before my eyes. I do this to talk to the one person that really knows me best, that man in the mirror.

The great thing about the man in the mirror is that he knows exactly who I am. He knows exactly what I'm thinking, he knows exactly whats to come next, sometimes even before I do. The man in the mirror is not what the world sees me as, rather the carbon copy of the original document. We all know that you can replicate the original and tweak it to the way you seem fit once you download it. But with that original staring right back at you, you see the truth of being right before your eyes.

Minutes turn to hours, hours to days, and yet I wake up and visit that man in the mirror every morning. With a blank stare, he tells me about myself, without moving his lips. He communicates with me letting me know what's going on for today, and recaps my events of life the previous day. He helps me cope with my pains, and cheers me on with my successes in life.

I have become quite fond of the man in the mirror. Before, I would have my meeting with him, then tweak the document and present it to the world, edited and equipped with all the glitz and glam for the untrained eye to deceive. But as of late though, the world has been able to see behind all the smoke and lights, for the man in the mirror as told me that it was time to be, ME. To be the same person, I was in the mirror outside of it. The man in the mirror as taught me how to be just what he is, a man. Through lessons of love, pain, failure, gain, he has guided me has given me great understanding with every conversation we have. He's really intelligent, if only I listened to him more often ya know!

Love me or hate me, it really doesn't matter, its all the same, for its not up to you to decide how I am to feel about it, and he has told me that things in life are just that, a mystery. It's up to me and the man in the mirror do decipher the mystery, but not to dwell on it.

So in closing, I wanted to just wanted to tell that man in the mirror, Thanks, thanks for being there for me during this crazy ride. The turns are getting less sharp, and I can feel the speed decreasing. Hopefully the end is near. Hopefully!